Tag Archives: exercise

Newsflash!

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I can’t sleep. This isn’t so much what you’d call good. To pass the time and hopefully bore myself into unconsciousness I decided to watch some news on the internet. The last story I saw was particularly enlightening. Researchers in Britain have found that the average person can add about fourteen years to their life if they do the following:

1) Cut back on alcohol.

2) Eat a diet of mostly fruits and vegetables.

3) Exercise a minimum of 30 minutes per day.

Great research there. Genius scientists of the world, I implore you. Find a way I can live fourteen more years without fricking giving up everything that makes life worth it.

Thanks in advance,

Bitterman

Wack Away a Few Pounds

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This guy must be from San Francisco.

Pudgy porkers pare pounds with new wanker’s diet
By Masuo Kamiyama

"Type ‘diet regimens’ into the Google.com search engine, and you’ll get over 40,000 hits. They’ve got the water diet, the high-fiber diet, the drinker’s diet, the high protein diet, the sugar-busters diet and so on, ad nauseam. The fact is, people plagued by persistent weight problems will try anything to lose a few grams. Now Hanashi no Channel (May 1) offers what it claims is an ideal regimen that, while highly economical, improves muscle tone and consumes calories, while contributing to a slimmer figure. It’s the ‘Masturbator’s Diet.’"

The Lazy Generation

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Researchers Say A Pill May Someday Replace Sweaty Workouts For The Health Conscious

"That ultimate fantasy of the couch potato may become a reality some day, according to researchers who have found the chemical pathways muscle cells use to build strength and endurance. With this basic knowledge in hand, it now may be possible to develop a pill that pumps up muscle cells without all that exercise, said Dr. R. Sanders Williams, dean of the Duke University of School of Medicine and senior author of a study appearing Friday in the journal Science."

OK, this instant-gratification, all of the pleasure with none of the work, lazy, apathetic society we live in is really starting to bug me. This CNN article talks about a breakthrough that would make the Jetsons proud. Soon we'll be able to get fit without exercising. Great, thanks to the marvels of modern medical science, the couch potato generation will have no reason what so ever to get off their lazy butts and venture out into the Big Blue Room (ie the real world – not to be confused with an unimaginative, voyeuristic, teeny-bopper "reality TV" show).

It seems to me that it was once considered common sense and popular wisdom that we only really appreciate the good things in life when we have to work for them. I really hope this breakthrough gets used only for the genuine medical applications mentioned in the article. I've had just about enough of this gluttonous, hedonistic society.