I can’t sleep. This isn’t so much what you’d call good. To pass the time and hopefully bore myself into unconsciousness I decided to watch some news on the internet. The last story I saw was particularly enlightening. Researchers in Britain have found that the average person can add about fourteen years to their life if they do the following:

1) Cut back on alcohol.

2) Eat a diet of mostly fruits and vegetables.

3) Exercise a minimum of 30 minutes per day.

Great research there. Genius scientists of the world, I implore you. Find a way I can live fourteen more years without fricking giving up everything that makes life worth it.

Thanks in advance,

Bitterman