This guy must be from San Francisco.

Pudgy porkers pare pounds with new wanker’s diet
By Masuo Kamiyama

"Type ‘diet regimens’ into the Google.com search engine, and you’ll get over 40,000 hits. They’ve got the water diet, the high-fiber diet, the drinker’s diet, the high protein diet, the sugar-busters diet and so on, ad nauseam. The fact is, people plagued by persistent weight problems will try anything to lose a few grams. Now Hanashi no Channel (May 1) offers what it claims is an ideal regimen that, while highly economical, improves muscle tone and consumes calories, while contributing to a slimmer figure. It’s the ‘Masturbator’s Diet.’"