Tag Archives: cake

Cake: More Useful Than We Originally Thought?

Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat. When I complained of it, everybody asked if I’d taken anything. But I don’t particularly enjoy being medicated, and I hate cough syrup. The most I’ll do is drink water, because you want your throat to stay moist.

But then I had an idea. If a moist throat is what you want, then why not just eat something moist? And what’s more moist than cake? Genius!

Now, I know what most of you are thinking. What about the calories? This is indeed an issue, and one I gave considerable thought. To that end I’ve decided that until my sore throat passes, I will simply confine my eating to the cake. That way, I won’t load up on too many calories. It’s a deceptively simple yet effective solution. Indeed, it was so simple that I questioned it myself. But really, there’s no need to re-invent the wheel here.

The only problem I foresee is that only fresh cake achieves maximum moistness. As such it is necessary that I bake cake on a regular basis. And to avoid wasting food, I must also make sure to eat all of the cake. I am pleased to report that so far this has not proven to be a difficult burden.

My throat feels great now. This new ‘cake therapy’ certainly deserves further research. I posit that the medicinal benefits of cake may extend to other ailments. As soon as the possibility presents itself I intend to study the effects of cake on minor psychological trauma.

Dreaming the Impossible Dream

Once upon a time, I had aspirations. Some of you may remember what those are. They’re the things that you tell yourself you’re going to do before you die/grow-up/get married/whatever. Now, some of those are clearly not going to happen for me. After much consideration, I’ve admitted that it’s unlikely that I’m going to win the Nobel Prize. It also appears that my chances of becoming an astronaut are dim at best. And despite my best efforts, I must sadly admit that I am indeed not the very model of a Modern Major General (can’t write a washing bill in Babylonic Cuneiform, and I was never good at acrostics).

But even in my old age I’d like to think that some of my childhood dreams are still attainable. With that in mind, I’d like to dust off one that I’ve been putting off for some time: Eat the perfect cake.

To this end I want some opinions. What’s the best cake, and how do I get it? Keep in mind, there’s no way I’m baking the damn thing. I don’t care how good a made-from-scratch homemade cake is. Not going to happen. And I’m not paying more than $50 for it. Nor am I going to fly to France or some god awful place for it. If I can get it delivered, all’s well. But I’m not traveling for frickin’ cake. I just want cake. Awesome cake. Ice cream optional.

What’s the best cake you’ve ever had?