I bought a case of emergency food from a company that makes food for disaster preparation. When I bought these things, it because I wanted to do some research for a novel. That was all fine, and I’ve learned a lot, but now I’m eating them just for fun. Even now, I’m enjoying the electrolyte drink beverage. It tastes like raspberries and evidently will supply me with essential electrolytes. Good deal.

Now, at this point I’m sure you’re all thinking, “Wow, I can’t believe he eats that stuff.” Plenty of people already have. But let me tell you, I’m eating better than I ever have before. These emergency rations are great. I get a main course, some fruit, dessert, and some crackers. It really is a whole meal. Compare that to what I make when left to my own devices, which is pretty much, “Find something that looks like it hasn’t gone bad yet. Boil. Eat.”

Every time I open an emergency ration I think, “This is so much more complicated than anything I would’ve made for myself.” I’m not kidding here. They sometimes use two, even three vegetables to make the main course. Novel! Now let me make it clear that this is in addition to pasta or rice. And putting crackers and some jelly on the side for later? Gods, if only I had such culinary ambition. I would be like a cook among men. Now if only they could make one with fried chicken and French fries. Or maybe hash browns. That’d be pretty good.

I’m going to be sorry when that tornado with my name on it finally comes around. I’ll probably die of starvation, or maybe I’ll just run out of electrolytes without this drink to keep me going. But until then, it beats getting scurvy.