Tag Archives: humility

Ignorantly Inconsiderate

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I know I tend to walk through life with my foot in my mouth, but I've really been on a roll with offending people lately. I certainly don't mean to. My mother calls my accidental obnoxiousness "ignorant inconsideration". I usually just don't realize that I've offended someone and why I find out I have I'm usually clueless as to why they're offended. Often, I'm actually offended that they're offended. In fact, one pet peeve that's sure to get me riled up is someone taking offense at something I didn't intend to be offensive. (Please don't deliberately push that button. Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.)

I've always had trouble with tact and diplomacy, but I'd like to think that I've been getting better over the years. Lately, though, I've offended and/or ticked off a number of people – friends, family, and strangers alike. I've realized that lately I've been rather cranky, short-tempered, and obstinate (more so than usual).

1) If I have offended and/or angered you, please accept my apology.

2) Please pray that whatever's causing this recent unpleasantness abates.

Strife in St. Blog’s

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I've a lot of abusive posts and comments in St. Blog's Parish of late and it really bothers me. Normally when Christians are at each other's throats I point out Galatians 5:13-15. However, a reading from a recent daily mass caught my eye.

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." – Ephesians 4:29-32

I don't want point out splinters in my brothers eyes when I carry a log in my own, so I'll not mention by name or link who the offenders are. I can only hope they read this post and get the message.

BTW, Richard Hall seems to be thinking similar things about Christian bloggers in general.

"[F]or every person that shouts 'Amen!' there's another shouting 'No way!' The Body of Christ is divided and weakened. ('Can the eye say to the hand, I don't need you?') If we fall out of fellowship with one another, we all lose."

Proper Christian Behavior

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More Christians should read the writings of the early Church fathers. Admittedly, I have only begun to do so myself. The first half of the following should be read and reread periodically by all Christian bloggers.

"Cultivate quietness in word, quietness in deed, likewise in speech and gait; and avoid impetuous eagerness. For then the mind will remain steady, and will not be agitated by your eagerness and so become weak and of narrow discernment and see darkly; nor will it be worsted by gluttony, worsted by boiling rage, worsted by the other passions, lying a ready prey to them. For the mind, seated on high on a quiet thrown looking intently towards God, must control the passions. By no means be swept away by temper in bursts of anger, nor be sluggish in speaking, nor all nervousness in movement; so that your quitness may be adorned by good proportion and your bearing may appear something divine and sacred. Guard also against the signs of arrogance, a haughty bearing, a lofty head, a dainty and high-treading footstep."

"Let your speech be gentle towards those you meet, and your greetings kind; be modest towards women, and let your glance be turned to the ground. Be thoughtfull in all your talk, and give back a useful answer, adapting the utterance to the hearer's need, just so loud that it may be distinctly audible, neither escaping the ears of the company by reason of feebleness nor going to excess with too much noise. Take care never to speak what you have not weighed and pondered beforehand; nor interject your own words on the spur of the moment and in the midst of another's; for you must listen and converse in turn, with set times for speech and for silence. Learn gladly, and teach ungrudgingly; never hide wisdom for others by reason of a grudging spirit, nor through false modesty stand aloof from instruction. Submit to elders just as to fathers. Honour God's servants. Be first to practice wisdom and virtue. Do not wrangle with your friends, nor mock at them and play the buffoon. Firmly renounce falsehood, guile and insolence. Endure in silence, as a gentle and high-minded man, the arrogant and insolent."

"Let everything you do be done for God, both deeds and words; and refer all that is yours to Christ; and constantly turn your soul to God; and lean your thought on the power of Christ, as if in some harbour by the divine light of the Saviour it were resting from all talk and action. And often by day communicate your thoughts to men, but most of all to God at night as well as by day; for let not much sleep prevail to keep you from your prayers and hymns to God, since long sleep is a rival of death. Show yourself always a partner of Christ who makes the divine ray shine from heaven; let Christ be to you continual and unceasing joy."

"Relax not the tension of your soul with feasting and indulgence in drink, but consider what is needful to be enough for the body. And do not hasten early to meals before the time for dinner comes; but let your dinner be bread, and let earth's grasses and the ripe fruits of trees be set before you; and go to your meal with composure, showing no sign of raging gluttony. Be not a flesh-eater nor a lover of wine, when no sickness leads you to this as a cure. But in place of the pleasures that are in these, choose the joys that are in divine words and hymns, joys supplied to you by wisdom from God; and let heavenly meditation ever lead you upward to heaven."

"And give up the many anxious cares about the body by taking comfort in hopes towards God; because for you He will provide all necessary things in sufficiency, food to support life, covering for the body, and protection against winter cold. For to your King belongs the whole earth and all that is produced from it; and God treats the bodily parts of His servants with exceeding care, as if they were His, like His own shrines and temples. On this account do not dread severe diseases, nor the approach of old age, which must be expected in time; for even disease will come to an end, when the whole-hearted purpose we do His commandments."

"Knowing this, make your soul strong even in face of diseases; be of good courage, like a man in the arena, bravest to submit to his toils with strength unmoved. Be not utterly crushed in soul by grief, whether disease lies heavily upon you, or any other hardship befalls, but nobly confront toils with your understanding, even in the midst of your struggles rendering thanks to God; since His thoughts are wiser than men's, and such as it is not easy nor possible for men to find out. Pity those who are in distress, and ask for men the help that comes from God; for God will grant grace to His friend when he asks, and will provide succour for those in distress, wishing to make His power known to men, in the hope that, when they have come to full knowledge, they may return to God, and may enjoy eternal blessedness when the Son of God shall appear and restore good things to His own."

– St. Clement of Alexandria, Exhortation to Endurance

Mirror of Sin

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My grandfather used to say that the habits or faults of other people that annoy us the most may be ones we are also guilty of. I guess that was his atheistic Quaker version of Luke 6:41. I am very often reminded of that lesson and it has been an important part of my maturation process and growth in faith. It's a lesson I have to relearn over and over again. It's painful, the saying true – no pain, no gain.

There are times (too many to count) God puts me in a situation in which I find myself correcting someone for a fault I too am guilty of. Sometimes I get sort of a "spider sense" feeling as I reprove a friend, knowing all the while that I'll learn Pop-pop's lesson before I'm through. Other times, I'm too blinded by my own self-righteousness to see what's coming. It's a very humbling a experience either way.

I'm writing about this now because events of yesterday and today have re-taught me that lesson. This morning, I was looking for an explanation of the sin of detraction. I found one and proceeded to read it, ready to copy and paste the bits that would help me correct a friend of mine. As I read the definition, I got a sick feeling in my stomach. I realized that I'd been guilty of detraction on numerous occasions and didn't even think it might be sinful.

Detraction is related to calumny, which most Jews and Christians would recognize as breaking the commandment to not bear false witness against a neighbor. Usually we know when we're committing calumny. Detraction is a sin that doesn't get much mention in Christian circles, but it should. Here's part of the definition of detraction. Examine your heart.

Detraction
(From Latin detrahere, to take away).

Detraction is the unjust damaging of another's good name by the revelation of some fault or crime of which that other is really guilty or at any rate is seriously believed to be guilty by the defamer. An important difference between detraction and calumny is at once apparent. The calumniator says what he knows to be false, whilst the detractor narrates what he at least honestly thinks is true. Detraction in a general sense is a mortal sin, as being a violation of the virtue not only of charity but also of justice.

….

Those who abet another's defamation in a matter of moment by directly or indirectly inciting or encouraging the principal in the case are guilty of grievous injustice. When, however, one's attitude is simply a passive one, i.e. that of a mere listener, prescinding from any interior satisfaction at the blackening of another's good name, ordinarily the sin is not mortal unless one happens to be a superior. The reason is that private persons are seldom obliged to administer fraternal correction under pain of mortal sin (see CORRECTION, FRATERNAL). The detractor having violated an unimpeachable right of another is bound to restitution. He must do his best to put back the one whom he has thus outraged in possession of the fair fame which the latter hitherto enjoyed. He must likewise make good whatever other loss he in some measure foresaw his victim would sustain as a result of this unfair defamation, such as damage measurable in terms of money. The obligation in either instance is perfectly clear. The method of discharging this plain duty is not so obvious in the first case. In fact, since the thing alleged is assumed to be true, it cannot be formally taken back, and some of the suggestions of theologians as to the style of reparation are more ingenious than satisfactory. Generally the only thing that can be done is to bide one's time until an occasion presents itself for a favorable characterization of the person defamed. The obligation of the detractor to make compensation for pecuniary loss and the like is not only personal but becomes a burden on his heirs as well.

Read the rest of the definition here.

Update 09/21/06: I now know that my grandfather was paraphrasing a line from Quaker poet John Greenleaf Whittier's "The Chapel of the Hermits".

 "Search thine own heart. What paineth thee in others in thyself may be."

Of Swine and Fools

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It is easy for one to believe he is able to convince even the most obstinate individuals. Unfortunately, this is often a sign of pride and self-righteousness, rather than charisma or rhetorical skill. Scripture offers the following advice in regard to correcting and/or reproving others.

"Do not give dogs what is holy; and do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under foot and turn to attack you." – Matthew 7:2

"He who corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury. Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man and he will increase in learning." – Proverbs 9:7-9

Apparently, some people are not worth spending too much time and energy on, but does that mean we should just give up on them? If so, when and how? Certainly, we should be humble and prayerful in our argumentation and be vigilant for signs of fruitlessness in dialog. I wonder, though, how we are to know when a debate is not worth continuing and how we are end it without feeling guilty for abandoning someone, particularly a brother/sister in Christ, to his/her grievous errors. Thoughts?