Give me back my hour! Give it back! No, I’m serious here. I want the hour, and I want it right now. We all know it was mine. It had my name on it and everything. Did you look on the bottom? Because that’s where I wrote it, in big letters.
I had big plans for that hour. Big plans. Full of… stuff. That’s right! You heard me. Stuff. And now? No stuff. There’s no time for stuff because I LOST THE HOUR GIVE IT BACK OH MY GOSH GIVE IT BACK RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I NEED IT MORE THAN YOU I SWEAR.
Clearly, I will have to make up the time by some other means. Lacking a time machine, I will use the Time Dilation Engine devised for me by the good people at Gevalia.
According to relativity, the faster you move, the slower time passes. So if you want your hour back, just sit down on the couch and watch an episode of Maury Povich or Jerry Springer. Trust me, it will feel like days.
Of course, the brain damage those TV shows cause is permanent…