I’ve been busy. I’ve had a lot on my mind. And I’ve been on the losing side of my battle with TMJ for the past few weeks. Because of all of this, I haven’t been sleeping much or well, and whenever that happens I’m usually able to stave off the crashing exhaustion with naps. Power naps strategically placed throughout the day got me through a decade of my life, but every once in a while I can’t get to the hallowed nap zone. I don’t have time, it’s inconvenient, or I just have to suck it up and stick it out until I can get home and crash on my couch. When long periods of time have passed and I’m incredibly busy and don’t get proper sleep or naps, I can turn into a cranky 2 year old. Just. Like. That.
When I make that shift into Cranky-2 year old-In-desperate-need-of-a-nap-before-every-filter-between-my-emotions-brain-and-mouth-disappear, and I don’t get to take a nap, and people continue to push my buttons, I can’t say anyone or any thing is safe. From about 10 AM on today, I was that 2 year old. And because I was that 2 year old, a number of things irked me more than usual.
1. Third baseman from last night’s softball game: You, sir, need kicked in the shin. Twice. And maybe poked in the aorta for good measure. Your ruse was rude, arrogant, condescending, and was in poor form. Enjoy the karmic retribution.
2. Mr. Panhandler on the ramp from the 10th St Bypass to the Fort Pitt Bridge: I hate you. Not only do you make me feel guilty for not giving you every dollar I have in my pocket every bloody day of the week, you have the audacity to glare and shake your head at people when they don’t give you money. You’ve been there every damn day since I started driving that way to work in January. If I wanted to support another person, I’d have a kid, kthxbai. And the absolute WORST part is that I actually go through guilt arguments with myself every time I pass you…
“Well, you may not be a millionaire, Dawn, but he has it worse. Really, can’t you give him your lunch money for tomorrow?”
“No. No I can’t because I work every day to pay my bills, be able to eat, and maybe save in case I want to escape to a foreign country if circumstances require it. You watch him stand there every day and have people shove money in his cup.”
“But you’re a humanitarian, Dawn. You believe in helping others who are in need, or down on their luck. You hate excess just for the sake of excess, and you want to buy a new pair of shoes? Seriously, don’t you think he could use that $5 more?”
“Yeah, but not when he shows up with new $80 shoes on! He stands where he does because it is a strategic location, and incorporates the guilt factor because you can’t avoid him. He knows what he’s doing, and if he can strategically plan that, why isn’t he figuring out how to get a job? Or going to the state for help?”
“How do you know he isn’t?”
“HE’S BEEN THERE EVERY DAY FOR 6 MONTHS!”
“Okay, valid supposition…”
“And besides, what right does he have to make me feel like a greedy, uncaring, cold person every day at 5:15? I do good things, damnit! I volunteer! I take students to pack medical supplies and food to send to third world countries! I help sort food for shelters! I volunteered with disaster relief with the Red Cross! I can’t save the world by myself!”
“It’s $5 Dawn…”
And by that time, I’m past him and spend the rest of my ride home going back and forth in this way. I’m sick of it. Maybe one day I should just come stand next to you and do the same thing, or when I forget my wallet, ask you for some change. Argh.
3. Apple basket Pirates. Back off. Seriously. If you understand that analogy, great. If not, and you want to, just ask.
4. Two dimensional thinkers. I’m used to being around people who, when faced with a problem or something they don’t understand, try and figure it out on their own before asking everyone around them to do it for them. Those people are three dimensional thinkers–I would even go so far as to say they are multi-dimensional thinkers. Two dimensional thinkers make zero effort to figure something out on their own and hand it off to other people. “Oh. This doesn’t work. Rather than making an effort to be intelligent and solve the problem myself, I’ll just call ten other people and make them do it for me because I’m intellectually lazy.” I’m all for helping when I know something, but if you can’t make the effort to figure something out before asking me… we’re going to start having serious problems.
5. People who are thinking of a response to what you are saying while you are saying it instead of listening to what it is you are actually saying. Look… if you can’t be bothered to actually listen to a response, and you just want to be right, then just let me know ahead of time so I don’t waste my breath or time, okay? Seriously. Don’t ask me for my opinion, or to explain something, or engage me in an intellectual conversation if you aren’t going to be courteous and listen. I listen to you before I respond. I would hope you do the same. If you are incapable of this may I suggest you brand yourself, or wear some kind of symbol to alert me so I don’t bother.
I could go on here, but I’ll save the rest for future installments of WTF?! Wednesdays. Right now I need to go to bed and hopefully lasso some restful sleep.