Engaged Encounter Part II: Three to Get Married?


Group Discussion Session

Here's What I Think

Gives an informal setting for the couples to discuss the many concerns that arise in their minds, including questions about birth control, finances, career, in-laws, pre-marital sex, inter-faith marriage, etc. This free flowing exchange of information and opinions often helps clear the air on many misconceptions about the teaching and policy of the Church.

Questions were submitted anonymously and selected at random to be asked and answered. I sked something like the following.

"Why hasn't there been any mention of the sacramentality of marriage? Why has Christ's name been used so infrequently? Why has Scripture been quoted so sparingly? Why has the Christian character of this retreat been so timid? What's so Catholic about this encounter?"

The answer I got was thoroughly unsatisfying. It was some evasive bunk about respecting other faiths. You can respect other faiths while presenting marriage as a sacrament. In fact, someone of another faith might be inspired by such descriptions to learn more. Beyond my question there was absolutely no mention of Church teachings.

Wedding: The Beginning of Our Sacrament

Our Love is a Sign of God's Love

In this presentation we become aware that we become a Sacrament of the Church. Examples are shared in beauty of daily living our Sacrament. Through our lived examples there is a greater understanding of "A Wedding is a Day, a Marriage is a Lifetime" and how it is personified. We are church and are dependent on moral and spiritual support of the people of our faith communities who touch our lives.

In the Catholic faith, marriage is a sacrament. A sacrament is God's presence and love for us revealed in a visible actioin or relationship. When we see a married couple's love, we believe that God is present there. The couple become ministers of the sacrament to each other and mirror God's love through daily acts of loving, serving and forgiving.

  1. I first realized that I loved you when…I first realized that you loved me when…What made me realize that out love was meant for marriage?
  2. In which of the following areas have you helped me experience God's love? When?
    • Your openneswith me
    • The way you listen to me
    • The way you respond out of consideration for me
    • The way you heal/forgive my shortcomings
    • The way you treat me
  3. How do I feel about God being part of our marriage and us being a sign of God's love?
  4. Why is being married in the Church important to me?
  5. What does becoming a sacrament with you mean to me?
  6. How can we make visible our sacramental love to others – family, friends, Church

So it was Sunday when they finally uttered the word "sacrament". At this point, we were tired from all he writing and talking and weary of the repetitive format. Our receptiveness was certainly not appropriate for such a serious topic.

Betrothal

Are We Ready?

In this presenation, we begin to understand that OUR Sacrament is a call to become part of the Church. The team illustrates the difference between preparation for a wedding day (engagement) and preparation for a lifetime of marriage (betrothal).

This talk encourages couples to:

  1. Assess where we are in our preparation for a Sacramental marriage;
  2. State what we need to do individually and as a couple to prepare for marriage;
  3. Affirm each other, Christ and the Church and our pledge to work on our relationship.

Betrothal is a public pledge of love and commitment to take practical, concrete steps to prepare for the Sacrament of Marriage. Betrothal is a deeper part of engagement, one that focuses on your own relationship and how it realtes to God, Chrch, and family.

If you are ready to make your pledge, you may wish to begin this way:

"Because I love you, I plan to work on deepening our realtionship between now and our wedding day by…"

You may also wish to focus on the following:

  • Our relationship needs to develop more in the areas of…
  • Your strength is important to me in the areas of..

If you are not ready tp make a Betrothal Pledge, you may wish to begin in one of these ways:

  • My truest and deepest way to love you is to be open and honest and tell you…
  • Although I care for you, I cannot commit myself to this deeper preparation…
  • I think we need more time and this is what I would like to see us work at…
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About Funky Dung

Who is Funky Dung? 29-year-old grad student in Intelligent Systems (A.I.) at the University of Pittsburgh. I consider myself to be politically moderate and independent and somewhere between a traditional and neo-traditional Catholic. I was raised Lutheran, spent a number of years as an agnostic, and joined the Catholic Church at the 2000 Easter Vigil. Why Funky Dung? I haven't been asked this question nearly as many times as you or I might expect. Funky Dung is a reference to an obscure Pink Floyd song. On the album Atom Heart Mother, there is a track called Atom Heart Mother Suite. It's broken up into movements, like a symphony, and one of the movements is called Funky Dung. I picked that nickname a long time ago (while I was still in high school I think), shortly after getting an internet connection for the first time. To me it means "cool/neat/groovy/spiffy stuff/crap/shiznit", as in "That's some cool stuff, dude!" Whence Ales Rarus? I used to enjoy making people guess what this means, but I've decided to relent and make it known to all. Ales Rarus is a Latin play on words. "Avis rarus" means "a rare bird" and carries similar meaning to "an odd fellow". "Ales" is another Latin word for bird that carries connotations of omens, signs of the times, and/or augery. If you want to get technical, both "avis" and "ales" are feminine (requiring "rara", but they can be made masculine in poetry (which tends to breaks lots of rules). I decided I'd rather have a masculine name in Latin. ;) Yeah, I'm a nerd. So what? :-P Wherefore blog? It is my intention to "teach in order to lead others to faith" by being always "on the lookout for occasions of announcing Christ by word, either to unbelievers . . . or to the faithful" through the "use of the communications media". I also act knowing that I "have the right and even at times a duty to manifest to the sacred pastors [my] opinion on matters which pertain to the good of the Church, and [I] have a right to make [my] opinion known to the other Christian faithful, with due regard to the integrity of faith and morals and reverence toward [my and their] pastors, and with consideration for the common good and the dignity of persons." (adapted from CCC 904-907) Statement of Faith I have been baptized and confirmed in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I, therefore, renounce Satan; I renounce all his works; I renounce all his allurements. I hold and profess all that is contained in the Apostles' Creed, the Niceno- Constantinopolitan Creed, and the Athanasian Creed. Having been buried with Christ unto death and raised up with him unto a new life, I promise to live no longer for myself or for that world which is the enemy of God but for him who died for me and rose again, serving God, my heavenly Father, faithfully and unto death in the holy Catholic Church. I am obedient to the Magisterium of the Catholic Church. That is, I promote and defend authentic Catholic Teaching and Faith in union with Christ and His Church and in union with the Holy Father, the Bishop of Rome, the Successor of St. Peter. Thanks be unto Thee, O my God, for all Thy infinite goodness, and, especially, for the love Thou hast shown unto me at my Confirmation. I Give Thee thanks that Thou didst then send down Thy Holy Spirit unto my soul with all His gifts and graces. May He take full possession of me for ever. May His divine unction cause my face to shine. May His heavenly wisdom reign in my heart. May His understanding enlighten my darkness. May His counsel guide me. May His knowledge instruct me. May His piety make me fervent. May His divine fear keep me from all evil. Drive from my soul, O Lord, all that may defile it. Give me grace to be Thy faithful soldier, that having fought the good fight of faith, I may be brought to the crown of everlasting life, through the merits of Thy dearly beloved Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen. Behind the Curtain: an Interview With Funky Dung (Thursday, March 03, 2005) I try to avoid most memes that make their way 'round the blogosphere (We really do need a better name, don't we?), but some are worth participating in. Take for instance the "interview game" that's the talk o' the 'sphere. I think it's a great way to get to know the people in neighborhood. Who are the people in your neighborhood? In your neighborhod? In your neigh-bor-hoo-ood...*smack* Sorry, Sesame Street flashback. Anyhow, I saw Jeff "Curt Jester" Miller's answers and figured since he's a regular reader of mine he'd be a good interviewer. Without further ado, here are my answers to his questions. 1. Being that your pseudonym Funky Dung was chosen from a Pink Floyd track on Atom Heart Mother, what is you favorite Pink Floyd song and why? Wow. That's a tuffy. It's hard to pick out a single favorite. Pink Floyd isn't really a band known for singles. They mostly did album rock and my appreciation of them is mostly of a gestalt nature. If I had to pick one, though, it'd be "Comfortably Numb". I get chills up my spine every time I hear it and if it's been long enough since the last time, I get midty-eyed. I really don't know why. That's a rather unsatisfying answer for an interview, so here are the lyrics to a Rush song. It's not their best piece of music, but the lyrics describe me pretty well.

New World Man He's a rebel and a runner He's a signal turning green He's a restless young romantic Wants to run the big machine He's got a problem with his poisons But you know he'll find a cure He's cleaning up his systems To keep his nature pure Learning to match the beat of the old world man Learning to catch the heat of the third world man He's got to make his own mistakes And learn to mend the mess he makes He's old enough to know what's right But young enough not to choose it He's noble enough to win the world But weak enough to lose it --- He's a new world man... He's a radio receiver Tuned to factories and farms He's a writer and arranger And a young boy bearing arms He's got a problem with his power With weapons on patrol He's got to walk a fine line And keep his self-control Trying to save the day for the old world man Trying to pave the way for the third world man He's not concerned with yesterday He knows constant change is here today He's noble enough to know what's right But weak enough not to choose it He's wise enough to win the world But fool enough to lose it --- He's a new world man...
2. What do you consider your most important turning point from agnosticism to the Catholic Church. At some point in '99, I started attending RCIA at the Pittsburgh Oratory. I mostly went to ask a lot of obnoxious Protestant questions. Or at least that's what I told myself. I think deep down I wanted desperately to have faith again. At that point I think I'd decided that if any variety of Christianity had the Truth, the Catholic Church did. Protestantism's wholesale rejection of 1500 years of tradition didn't sit well with me, even as a former Lutheran. During class one week, Sister Bernadette Young (who runs the program) passed out thin booklet called "Handbook for Today's Catholic". One paragraph in that book spoke to me and I nearly cried as I read it.
"A person who is seeking deeper insight into reality may sometimes have doubts, even about God himself. Such doubts do not necessarily indicate lack of faith. They may be just the opposite - a sign of growing faith. Faith is alive and dynamic. It seeks, through grace, to penetrate into the very mystery of God. If a particular doctrine of faith no longer 'makes sense' to a person, the person should go right on seeking. To know what a doctrine says is one thing. To gain insight into its meaning through the gift of understanding is something else. When in doubt, 'Seek and you will find.' The person who seeks y reading, discussing, thinking, or praying eventually sees the light. The person who talks to God even when God is 'not there' is alive with faith."
At the end of class I told Sr. Bernadette that I wanted to enter the Church at the next Easter vigil. 3. If you were a tree what kind of, oh sorry about that .. what is the PODest thing you have ever done? I set up WikiIndex, a clearinghouse for reviews of theological books, good, bad, and ugly. It has a long way to go, but it'll be cool when it's finished. :) 4. What is your favorite quote from Venerable John Henry Newman? "Ten thousand difficulties do not make one doubt." 5. If you could ban one hymn from existence, what would it be? That's a tough one. As a member of the Society for a Moratorium on the Music of Marty Haugen and David Haas, there are obviously a lot of songs that grate on my nerves. If I had to pick one, though, I'd probably pick "Sing of the Lord's Goodness" by Ernie Sands.

5 thoughts on “Engaged Encounter Part II: Three to Get Married?

  1. Tom

    That’s really weak. I wonder if any of the couples there will actually follow the teaching on contraception. With such lame catechesis, I really can’t say that I blame people for not.

    Interesting thought you had about teaching a pre-Cana class using Theology of the Body as the primary source. Another good candidate would be the writings of St. John Chrysostom, the Eastern Doctor whose teachings regarding marriage and family are one of the bases of the ideas we have about Christian love. (As a sidebar, Chrysostom is pretty much the #1 doctor in the Orthodox world, but their follow-up on his doctrines regarding contraception has been really, really weak.)

  2. regina doman

    We hated our Engaged Encounter too but we really appreciated the Marriage Encounter retreat we took (ten years later). The rules for arguing was about the best part of the weekend, btw, and got the most use by us.

  3. Pingback: Ales Rarus - A Rare Bird, A Strange Duck, One Funky Blog » Engaged Encounter Part I: House of God?

  4. Mary Harlan

    My parents began the Engaged Encounter in the 60’s. It was not meant to be a “Catholic” experience but an experience for the engaged couple. If you did not attend the Engaged Encounter in the Detroit area, the you attended an off shoot that someone rewrote. In Detroit, when a priest can be found, he comes only to say mass and bless rings. The priest NEVER presents a topic. None of the material was ever copyright protected as my parents felt it could benefit all.

  5. Funky Dung

    Did your parents intend for EE to satisfy diocesan pre-cana requirements? If not, then I’d applaud it as a useful crash course in the psychological and relational aspects of marriage. Whoever decided that this material was adequate for Catholic pre-cana was very wrong. Preparation for the sacrament of Holy Matrimony requires more than EE (as I experienced it) offers. If a weekend is to call itself Catholic Engaged Encounter, it had better present material that authentically represents orthodox Catholicism.

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