Engaged Encounter Part II: Three to Get Married?


Two by Two

Love One Another

[This topic was skipped entirely. – Funky]

Through this presentation, we realize we can't limit our love to only each other. We are inspired by Luke's Gospel, Chapter 10: "After this the Lord chose 72 others and sent them out two by two to go before Him". Practical examples demonstrate how we are commanded by Jesus to reach out to others: our family, neighbors, work colleagues, the lonely, the needy, etc. We can share our "Couple love" with our friends and relatives, register and participate in parishes, and volunteer to help in the Church and other charitable organizations.

As couples in love we need to recognize the joy we bring to others when we share our love. We have a responsibility to decide how we will do this – like the disciples who were sent out two by two.

  1. What qualities do we, as a couple, have to share with others?
  2. How can we best share our couple love with our family, friends, Church and community?
  3. How do I feel knowing God is sending us out two by two in service to others?
  4. Who has had a positive influence in our life as a couple? In what way? How could we let them know?

After this the LORD appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place he was about to go.

He told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest therefore, to send out workers intohis harvest field." Luke 10:1-2

At this point they informed us that each couple had a corresponding prayer couple. A married couple volunteered to pray for each engaged couple. It was cool looking back at the weekend's talks, etc through the lense of knowing that a couple was praying for us the whole time. 🙂

Planning a Life-Giving Marriage

My Paln vs. Our Plan

This presentation helps sort out goals and priorities as individuals. Then we can come together to begin planning our own goals and priorities as a couple. In doing so, we become open to God's plan for us as a couple.

The way we lead ourlives, on a daily basis, is a visible expression of the values that are important to us. We challenge you now to bring this weekend home with you. Through life-giving choices you will begin the ongoing process of formulating couple values and setting the priorities necessary to achieve them.

[The following questions were answered twice – as individuals and as a couple. – Funky]

Check five areas that you see as a value in your future marriage.

  • Wife or husband works at home
  • Raising a family
  • Own your own home
  • Living close to family
  • Being active in Church
  • Limited number of children
  • Careers
  • Leisure time
  • Going to Church
  • Finish school
  • Status
  • Graduate studies
  • Money/Posessions
  • My independence
  • Prayer/Spirituality
  • Catholic education
  • Other

Rate the following everyday activities in each separate column according to the priority needed to expressed your values (1 = highest).

  • Money
    • Food
    • Savings
    • Education
    • Charity
    • Church
    • Home
    • Medical
    • Entertainment/Recreation
    • Personal
    • Transportation
    • Clothing
  • Time
    • Work
    • Sleep
    • My time
    • Television
    • Hobbies
    • Time alone as a couple
    • Parents
    • Entertainment/Recreation
    • Group activities/Sports clubs
    • Church
    • Household Chores
  • People
    • Me
    • Spouse
    • God
    • Children
    • Relatives
    • Friends
    • Parents
    • Business associates

During your dialogue time consider the followingquestions:

  • How do our values/priorities differ?
  • In which areas do I need to reassess my values/priorities?
  • How open am I to change?

Forgiveness in Marriage

Forgive Us As We Forgive Others

Shows the necessity in asking for forgiveness and forgiving one another in the day-to-day hurts we all inflict on each other. It is more than just "I'm sorry". When we are able to recognize the need for reconsiliation and experience the grace of healing, we are acknowledging our belief in God and love for one another.

We were instructed to ask our fiances for forgiveness by starting with "Please forgive me for hurting you when…" I really like that approach. It's harder to say it flippantly.

On the whole, I really appreciated the realtion-ship building stuff (like the rules for arguing). We also made friends with another counple getting married on October 16. The experience was mostly good and taught us a few things. However, the format got tiresome quickly and I frequently longed for some good catechesis.

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About Funky Dung

Who is Funky Dung? 29-year-old grad student in Intelligent Systems (A.I.) at the University of Pittsburgh. I consider myself to be politically moderate and independent and somewhere between a traditional and neo-traditional Catholic. I was raised Lutheran, spent a number of years as an agnostic, and joined the Catholic Church at the 2000 Easter Vigil. Why Funky Dung? I haven't been asked this question nearly as many times as you or I might expect. Funky Dung is a reference to an obscure Pink Floyd song. On the album Atom Heart Mother, there is a track called Atom Heart Mother Suite. It's broken up into movements, like a symphony, and one of the movements is called Funky Dung. I picked that nickname a long time ago (while I was still in high school I think), shortly after getting an internet connection for the first time. To me it means "cool/neat/groovy/spiffy stuff/crap/shiznit", as in "That's some cool stuff, dude!" Whence Ales Rarus? I used to enjoy making people guess what this means, but I've decided to relent and make it known to all. Ales Rarus is a Latin play on words. "Avis rarus" means "a rare bird" and carries similar meaning to "an odd fellow". "Ales" is another Latin word for bird that carries connotations of omens, signs of the times, and/or augery. If you want to get technical, both "avis" and "ales" are feminine (requiring "rara", but they can be made masculine in poetry (which tends to breaks lots of rules). I decided I'd rather have a masculine name in Latin. ;) Yeah, I'm a nerd. So what? :-P Wherefore blog? It is my intention to "teach in order to lead others to faith" by being always "on the lookout for occasions of announcing Christ by word, either to unbelievers . . . or to the faithful" through the "use of the communications media". I also act knowing that I "have the right and even at times a duty to manifest to the sacred pastors [my] opinion on matters which pertain to the good of the Church, and [I] have a right to make [my] opinion known to the other Christian faithful, with due regard to the integrity of faith and morals and reverence toward [my and their] pastors, and with consideration for the common good and the dignity of persons." (adapted from CCC 904-907) Statement of Faith I have been baptized and confirmed in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I, therefore, renounce Satan; I renounce all his works; I renounce all his allurements. I hold and profess all that is contained in the Apostles' Creed, the Niceno- Constantinopolitan Creed, and the Athanasian Creed. Having been buried with Christ unto death and raised up with him unto a new life, I promise to live no longer for myself or for that world which is the enemy of God but for him who died for me and rose again, serving God, my heavenly Father, faithfully and unto death in the holy Catholic Church. I am obedient to the Magisterium of the Catholic Church. That is, I promote and defend authentic Catholic Teaching and Faith in union with Christ and His Church and in union with the Holy Father, the Bishop of Rome, the Successor of St. Peter. Thanks be unto Thee, O my God, for all Thy infinite goodness, and, especially, for the love Thou hast shown unto me at my Confirmation. I Give Thee thanks that Thou didst then send down Thy Holy Spirit unto my soul with all His gifts and graces. May He take full possession of me for ever. May His divine unction cause my face to shine. May His heavenly wisdom reign in my heart. May His understanding enlighten my darkness. May His counsel guide me. May His knowledge instruct me. May His piety make me fervent. May His divine fear keep me from all evil. Drive from my soul, O Lord, all that may defile it. Give me grace to be Thy faithful soldier, that having fought the good fight of faith, I may be brought to the crown of everlasting life, through the merits of Thy dearly beloved Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen. Behind the Curtain: an Interview With Funky Dung (Thursday, March 03, 2005) I try to avoid most memes that make their way 'round the blogosphere (We really do need a better name, don't we?), but some are worth participating in. Take for instance the "interview game" that's the talk o' the 'sphere. I think it's a great way to get to know the people in neighborhood. Who are the people in your neighborhood? In your neighborhod? In your neigh-bor-hoo-ood...*smack* Sorry, Sesame Street flashback. Anyhow, I saw Jeff "Curt Jester" Miller's answers and figured since he's a regular reader of mine he'd be a good interviewer. Without further ado, here are my answers to his questions. 1. Being that your pseudonym Funky Dung was chosen from a Pink Floyd track on Atom Heart Mother, what is you favorite Pink Floyd song and why? Wow. That's a tuffy. It's hard to pick out a single favorite. Pink Floyd isn't really a band known for singles. They mostly did album rock and my appreciation of them is mostly of a gestalt nature. If I had to pick one, though, it'd be "Comfortably Numb". I get chills up my spine every time I hear it and if it's been long enough since the last time, I get midty-eyed. I really don't know why. That's a rather unsatisfying answer for an interview, so here are the lyrics to a Rush song. It's not their best piece of music, but the lyrics describe me pretty well.

New World Man He's a rebel and a runner He's a signal turning green He's a restless young romantic Wants to run the big machine He's got a problem with his poisons But you know he'll find a cure He's cleaning up his systems To keep his nature pure Learning to match the beat of the old world man Learning to catch the heat of the third world man He's got to make his own mistakes And learn to mend the mess he makes He's old enough to know what's right But young enough not to choose it He's noble enough to win the world But weak enough to lose it --- He's a new world man... He's a radio receiver Tuned to factories and farms He's a writer and arranger And a young boy bearing arms He's got a problem with his power With weapons on patrol He's got to walk a fine line And keep his self-control Trying to save the day for the old world man Trying to pave the way for the third world man He's not concerned with yesterday He knows constant change is here today He's noble enough to know what's right But weak enough not to choose it He's wise enough to win the world But fool enough to lose it --- He's a new world man...
2. What do you consider your most important turning point from agnosticism to the Catholic Church. At some point in '99, I started attending RCIA at the Pittsburgh Oratory. I mostly went to ask a lot of obnoxious Protestant questions. Or at least that's what I told myself. I think deep down I wanted desperately to have faith again. At that point I think I'd decided that if any variety of Christianity had the Truth, the Catholic Church did. Protestantism's wholesale rejection of 1500 years of tradition didn't sit well with me, even as a former Lutheran. During class one week, Sister Bernadette Young (who runs the program) passed out thin booklet called "Handbook for Today's Catholic". One paragraph in that book spoke to me and I nearly cried as I read it.
"A person who is seeking deeper insight into reality may sometimes have doubts, even about God himself. Such doubts do not necessarily indicate lack of faith. They may be just the opposite - a sign of growing faith. Faith is alive and dynamic. It seeks, through grace, to penetrate into the very mystery of God. If a particular doctrine of faith no longer 'makes sense' to a person, the person should go right on seeking. To know what a doctrine says is one thing. To gain insight into its meaning through the gift of understanding is something else. When in doubt, 'Seek and you will find.' The person who seeks y reading, discussing, thinking, or praying eventually sees the light. The person who talks to God even when God is 'not there' is alive with faith."
At the end of class I told Sr. Bernadette that I wanted to enter the Church at the next Easter vigil. 3. If you were a tree what kind of, oh sorry about that .. what is the PODest thing you have ever done? I set up WikiIndex, a clearinghouse for reviews of theological books, good, bad, and ugly. It has a long way to go, but it'll be cool when it's finished. :) 4. What is your favorite quote from Venerable John Henry Newman? "Ten thousand difficulties do not make one doubt." 5. If you could ban one hymn from existence, what would it be? That's a tough one. As a member of the Society for a Moratorium on the Music of Marty Haugen and David Haas, there are obviously a lot of songs that grate on my nerves. If I had to pick one, though, I'd probably pick "Sing of the Lord's Goodness" by Ernie Sands.

5 thoughts on “Engaged Encounter Part II: Three to Get Married?

  1. Tom

    That’s really weak. I wonder if any of the couples there will actually follow the teaching on contraception. With such lame catechesis, I really can’t say that I blame people for not.

    Interesting thought you had about teaching a pre-Cana class using Theology of the Body as the primary source. Another good candidate would be the writings of St. John Chrysostom, the Eastern Doctor whose teachings regarding marriage and family are one of the bases of the ideas we have about Christian love. (As a sidebar, Chrysostom is pretty much the #1 doctor in the Orthodox world, but their follow-up on his doctrines regarding contraception has been really, really weak.)

  2. regina doman

    We hated our Engaged Encounter too but we really appreciated the Marriage Encounter retreat we took (ten years later). The rules for arguing was about the best part of the weekend, btw, and got the most use by us.

  3. Pingback: Ales Rarus - A Rare Bird, A Strange Duck, One Funky Blog » Engaged Encounter Part I: House of God?

  4. Mary Harlan

    My parents began the Engaged Encounter in the 60’s. It was not meant to be a “Catholic” experience but an experience for the engaged couple. If you did not attend the Engaged Encounter in the Detroit area, the you attended an off shoot that someone rewrote. In Detroit, when a priest can be found, he comes only to say mass and bless rings. The priest NEVER presents a topic. None of the material was ever copyright protected as my parents felt it could benefit all.

  5. Funky Dung

    Did your parents intend for EE to satisfy diocesan pre-cana requirements? If not, then I’d applaud it as a useful crash course in the psychological and relational aspects of marriage. Whoever decided that this material was adequate for Catholic pre-cana was very wrong. Preparation for the sacrament of Holy Matrimony requires more than EE (as I experienced it) offers. If a weekend is to call itself Catholic Engaged Encounter, it had better present material that authentically represents orthodox Catholicism.

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