Do you ever notice how no cookie is ever quite big enough?

There is such a thing as a back-handed compliment. They’re not too difficult to spot. Here are a few examples:

"You are a little stupid. But I think everybody else is really stupid, so you’re doing great."

"No, you’re not fat. Last year you were an oil tanker. This is much better."

Compliments designed to make a person feel better by lowering their standing by lowering the baseline even further are not compliments at all. They’re insulting to the person complimented and serve little function save to make the speaker look good.

Everybody has to go sometime.

That could mean to the bathroom, or death. I’m not sure which is more appropriate. Maybe I should make this my new saying.

I think something is wrong with me. I woke up today with a craving for apricots. Or possibly tea. Or is there such a thing as apricot tea? I assume there is, but you never know with these things. Somebody told me that people make pies out of oranges. Sounds fishy to me. How good could that be? It’s a pie made of oranges. The moral of that story is that people will do the strangest things. If in doubt, assume somebody has done it. But I think it’s also fair to assume that he didn’t necessarily survive the experience.