Wife: I think my cervix is closed and my temperature’s up.
Husband: I love it when you talk dirty to me
(I’m not hereby admitting that such a conversation actually took place, but only that it could have.)
NFP Joke
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Category Archives: humor and oddities
Arr!
Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day . 🙂
Feed Me, Bitterman!
I now have a venus flytrap.
I love these things. Imagine: a plant so hateful that it felt the need to evolve a way to trap and kill animals. What stories would it tell us if it could speak? What blasphemous litany would it write? This plant refused to allow its vegetative nature to limit it. The venus flytrap overcame its base nature and raised itself unto the position of carnivore. No victim, that plant. I'm sure it's only the first step. Give these guys a few million years, and they'll be eating small rodents. Now that I'd like to see.
My new plant requires a name. Henceforth, let it be known as Steve.
I'm thinking about designing an experiment to determine if Steve can eat french fries. The way I figure, plants don't have hearts. What's cardiac disease to them? Just think, there could be a form of life that can eat french fries all day and suffer no detrimental health effects.
The venus flytrap could well be the ultimate form of life.
The Da Vinci Dog
"If you know someone gullible enough to take a pulp airport novel as ‘evidence’ that Jesus Christ was not divine—but rather a horn-dog rabbi eager to “hook-up” with a former hooker, in order to father a race of bumbling French kings…do you really think the answer is to argue with him? Using, you know, reason? You might just as well pick up the book, smack him on the nose and say ‘No! Bad! No! Very bad!’ That’s likely to be more effective, and a heck of a lot more fun."
(Fedora Tip: Dom Bettinelli)
Let’s Get Ready to Rumble!
Joe Carter at Evangelical Outpost wants in on some of the traffic that blog brawls bring, so he posted a wicked funny jab at some of the major players in the Christian ghetto of the blogosphere. I think this barb needs some clarification, though.
"Jason, Scott, Bret, and Gene (Fide-O) — On their blog is a picture of a Rottweiler over a quote that begins “Be meek for the meek shall inherit the earth.” If your confused by such a dissonant juxtaposition keep in mind that these guys are to the Five Solas what the Jesuits are to the Pope. (And now that I’ve used them in a comparison with Catholics I’ll probably need to enter the Godbloggers Relocation Program.)
Does he mean the Jesuits of old or modern Jesuits? If the Fide-O folks are faithful 5-point Calvinists, they should probably take umbrage at the comparison to the Jesuits. Anyhow, I wonder if we could convince them to trade in their rottweiller for a German shepherd. 😉
Joe also took a shot at St. Blog’s Parish.
"St. Blog’s Parish — With such numbers on their side you’d think the Catholic wing of the Godblogosphere would be primed to invade on evangelical turf like the Bloods moving in on the Crips (or at least the Sharks invading the space of the Jets). But we hear nary a peep out of them. We could even throw out vicious insults—’The Pope wears a funny hat.’–but they wouldn’t even notice since they don’t read our blogs. It’s almost like we don’t exist or something. This apathy toward us may explain why we end up squabbling with each other, rather than with those Christians we might have substantial disagreements with. (By the way, he really does. The Pope. His hat. It’s kinda big and goofy.)"
Perhaps if evangelicals stopped rabbiting on about conferences we’re neither invited to nor particularly interested in, and occasionally linked to one of our posts, we might take notice. Also, I think the squabbling is more a cause of apathy than a result. I mean, who wants to interrupt a dysfunctional family while its bickering? 😉