Ales Rarus

I've read/heard mudslinging before, but I think this takes the cake. I'm kinda surprised to find this on an official government website.

Fear and Loathing in the Mother Ship

"Good afternoon, or, as John Kerry might say: 'Bonjour! I'm sure you've already heard a good many speakers today and will hear a bunch more after I'm done. So you'll probably judge my speech more on its brevity than its persuasiveness. But that's okay, because as you may have heard, we Republicans from Texas aren't known for our el-o-qua-city. But we are known for being clear. So in the interests of clarity, I have a simple message to pass along: the national Democrat party seems to have lost its marbles."

I just can't resist responding so here goes….

"the national Democrat party seems to have lost its marbles"

Did the Good Ol' Boys…er…GOP ever have any marbles?

"Though they remain a potent electoral machine, armed with battalions of trial lawyers and entertainers, and their Grand Coalition of the Perpetually Partisan, they are no longer a serious force in the national debate."

I guess these are offered in contrast to the Republican party's cohorts of thugs in expensive suits, oil barons, and corporate executives.

"Their single organizing philosophy is an irrational, all-encompassing, broiling hatred of George W. Bush."

Hate him? I think it's hardly fair to hate a man so utterly vacuous. On the other hand, if he's not as dumb as he seems, he borders on the frightening evil of Orwell's Big Brother.

"But most of all, Democrats hate the president because on every political issue of significance since he came into office, he has beaten them like rented mules."

No, I think it's because his foreign policies are imperialistic and his domestic policies border on fascist.

"They want to tax like Mondale and spend like Carter."

And Republicans want to borrow like Reagan and deceive like Nixon.

"While everyone else got the memo that big-government, blame-America-first liberalism died with disco, the Howard Dean Democrats still want to party like it's 1979!"

And the George Bush Republicans (and Democrats) want to make war like it's 1079.

"It's not a war of our choosing, nor of our instigation."

Ummm…If you're speaking for the American people, you're right. Many thousands protested war, but Bush went ahead. Did we instigates it? Well, our goverment backed Osama when we needed his muscle. We backed Afghanistan to fight Russia. We backed Saddam to fight Iran. Might we be just the tiniest bit responsible?

"They were a premeditated assault on the freedom of every human being on this planet"

Whereas the Patriot Act is just an assault on American freedom.

"To try to gauge just how out of touch the Democrat leadership is on the war on terror, just close your eyes and try to imagine Ted Kennedy landing that Navy jet on the deck of that aircraft carrier."

The Soviet Union put chimps in space suits. What's your point?

"I don't know about you, I certainly don't want to see Teddy Kennedy in a Navy flight suit anytime soon."

Isn't this the same kind of ad hominem crap you accused Democrats of espousing?

"Saddam Hussein - it is universally accepted by the international intelligence community - had weapons of mass destruction. "

I'd like to believe that, but where's the proof?

"If you take their comments to their logical conclusion, they're essentially calling our Commander in Chief, Benedict Arnold."

I'd prefer Bonzo.

"We're in the middle of a global conflict between good and evil and they're in the middle of a Michael Dukakis look-alike contest."

1) I think the lines are hardly that well drawn considering we made a lot of the monsters loose today. Furthermore, I'm very tempted to lump Sharon in with other dangerous extremists. How liberal is that?

2) You're resorting to ad hominem attacks again.

"Bob Graham - a respected former governor and chairman of the intelligence committee - is calling for the president's impeachment."

Is this any worse than the farcical attempt to impeach Clinton?

"John Edwards - a so-called moderate - compares the president to a dangerous socialist."

Mr. Edwards is wrong. Socialism is left-wing. He meant fascist.

"It makes you wonder if at their next presidential debate, the Democrats are all going to show up wearing aluminum-foil helmets to protect their brain waves from the mother ship!"

Ad hominem…

"STOMP - Strategic Task force for the Organization and Mobilization of People - is a powerful manpower organization I started a few years back."

I'm surprised it's not called JACKBOOT.

"We have an agenda - a real agenda - to make America safe, strong, and prosperous."

Hitler had an agenda, too - and a scapegoat.

P.S. I apologize for any ad hominem remarks I may have made. I'm just a lowly college student who blogs in his spare time. Senator Delay* ought to have the time and resources to write something a little more intelligent.

[* I had originally written Daschle. How embarrassing would that have been if left unchanged?]